I’ve been guilty of doing what this post suggests leaders avoid doing. Thankfully, I learned from my mistake and am mindful of my words when conversing with my staff.
Background Story:
One of your team members is highly upset for reason “X.” They come to you and share their frustration. You listen attentively and respond to their needs. Toward the end of the conversation, you wrap up by saying something like “don’t take things personally” or “try not to let things get to you.”
It wasn’t until my most recent use of the phrase, “Don’t take things personally,” that I realized that although my intentions were good, responding to someone’s concerns with my choice of words to close out the conversation was perceived as having a lack of empathy.
This turn of events was shocking to me. I thought I was both being a good listener and leader. I wanted to end the conversation on a light note but failed miserably because of those last four words. I wholeheartedly believe that good leaders lead with empathy. So, to hear someone suggest that I was not empathetic to their needs made me think about the conversation. I wanted to discover “where and how did I go wrong?”
After much reflection, I realized my choice of words unintentionally made a member of my team feel unheard. As a result, those four words nullified our entire conversation and led them to believe I dismissed their feelings, thoughts, and frustrations. I missed an opportunity to connect and strengthen our working relationship.
As leaders, we want our teams to feel comfortable enough to engage in dialogue, inclusive of their concerns and frustrations. We want them to understand that we hear and validate those concerns. We want to encourage communication and build trust. Phrases like “don’t take it personally” are counterproductive to building relationships.
One way we can work to ensure our staff members feel seen, heard, and understood is by being mindful of what we say when responding to concerns. Being intentional with our choice of words can help cultivate a supportive environment.
Leadership Tip: Consider using any of the following phrases when responding to concerns brought up by a member of your team:
- I understand how you feel…
- Let’s work together to find a solution…
- How can I best support you through this…
- We’ll get through this as a team…
Empathy is not just about using the right words. It’s also about genuinely listening and understanding the emotions and concerns of your staff. The phrases suggested above are grounded on empathy, care, and concern. They exemplify a collaborative approach to solving problems, which can lead to increased trust and positive relationships, climate, and culture.
I hope my mistakes and reflections help you on your leadership journey.
Keep going, keep growing, keep glowing… thank you for reading.
Elaine Margarita
Leaders GLOW UP 