Reflections – Leaders GLOW UP

Yes, Kindness to Self… Matters!

This week was a tough one. When self-criticism and doubt tried to creep into my thoughts, I showed myself kindness and recited the following mantras:

“I can handle whatever comes my way.”

“I am resilient.”

“It’s okay to say no.”

Kindness to self involves self-compassion and self-care. When we are kind to our minds, we allow ourselves to identify and accept our limitations. We become more aware of our thoughts and feelings, leading to positive well-being and improved mental health. We are more equipped to handle challenges, make sound decisions, and empathize with others.

Leadership Tip: Choose a phrase or mantra that resonates with you. Repeat your mantra regularly, especially in moments of self-doubt. Be gentle with your mind, practice self-compassion, and prioritize your mental well-being.

In a few days, I will share how I show myself kindness.

Keep going, keep growing, keep glowing… thank you for reading,

Elaine Margarita

Conversation Gone Astray

I’ve been guilty of doing what this post suggests leaders avoid doing. Thankfully, I learned from my mistake and am mindful of my words when conversing with my staff.

Background Story:

One of your team members is highly upset for reason “X.” They come to you and share their frustration. You listen attentively and respond to their needs. Toward the end of the conversation, you wrap up by saying something like “don’t take things personally” or “try not to let things get to you.”

It wasn’t until my most recent use of the phrase, “Don’t take things personally,” that I realized that although my intentions were good, responding to someone’s concerns with my choice of words to close out the conversation was perceived as having a lack of empathy.

This turn of events was shocking to me. I thought I was both being a good listener and leader. I wanted to end the conversation on a light note but failed miserably because of those last four words. I wholeheartedly believe that good leaders lead with empathy. So, to hear someone suggest that I was not empathetic to their needs made me think about the conversation. I wanted to discover “where and how did I go wrong?”

After much reflection, I realized my choice of words unintentionally made a member of my team feel unheard. As a result, those four words nullified our entire conversation and led them to believe I dismissed their feelings, thoughts, and frustrations. I missed an opportunity to connect and strengthen our working relationship.

As leaders, we want our teams to feel comfortable enough to engage in dialogue, inclusive of their concerns and frustrations. We want them to understand that we hear and validate those concerns. We want to encourage communication and build trust. Phrases like “don’t take it personally” are counterproductive to building relationships.

One way we can work to ensure our staff members feel seen, heard, and understood is by being mindful of what we say when responding to concerns. Being intentional with our choice of words can help cultivate a supportive environment.

Leadership Tip: Consider using any of the following phrases when responding to concerns brought up by a member of your team:

I understand how you feel…
Let’s work together to find a solution…
How can I best support you through this…
We’ll get through this as a team…

Empathy is not just about using the right words. It’s also about genuinely listening and understanding the emotions and concerns of your staff. The phrases suggested above are grounded on empathy, care, and concern. They exemplify a collaborative approach to solving problems, which can lead to increased trust and positive relationships, climate, and culture.

I hope my mistakes and reflections help you on your leadership journey.

Keep going, keep growing, keep glowing… thank you for reading.

Elaine Margarita

Reflection: To Share or Not to Share? That is the Question

When I transitioned out of the classroom and into the role of instructional coach, I was eager to learn how to be a teacher leader without coming across as a pushy know-it-all. Coincidently, during this time, members of my #PLN, or professional learning community, were starting a book study of the text “Dare to Lead” by Brene Brown. I wanted to join in, but I was nervous. No, I was highly intimidated! The group consisted of supervisors, principals, directors, and even an assistant superintendent. Their titles evoked a sense of insecurity that was foreign to me. I did not feel my experiences would allow me to relate or engage in the discussion. I bought the book, joined the group, and immediately thought, “What did I just do?”

When the book study group met, I faced another dilemma: How could I show up, without letting them know that I felt like a fraud? Should I even share my thoughts? Should I just nod in agreement? Should I bring a bag of Halls and pretend like it hurts to talk? I’d have to come up with something clever. To my surprise, the group was not as intimidating as I thought it would be (I blame overthinking, again). Sure, they had these fancy leader titles, but they were eager learners… just… like… ME.

That experience brought forth a sense of enlightenment. I learned the power of being open and honest with myself and others. There, I also realized that leadership is not about knowing ALL… THE… THINGS, nor is it about dictating expectations and enforcing rules. I learned that leaders continuously learn and grow as they strive to improve their leadership practice and build their teams. To my surprise, while I did not yet have a formal leadership title, I could participate by sharing my insights and being open about my experiences. I learned from the group, and I’d like to think that the group learned from me, too.

Those considering a transition into leadership need to know that openness is a critical leadership skill. You have to be open and honest with yourself. Reflecting on your experiences, acknowledging strengths and weaknesses, and creating your personal growth and development plan will help you continuously improve your skill sets.

Openness is just as crucial if you are in a leadership position. Being open and transparent with your teams helps facilitate positive work and learning environments. Keep your teams informed of the “why” or reasons behind certain decisions. Be humble about things you may not have the answers to YET. While this idea may seem daunting, your teams will appreciate your honesty. For tips on fostering openness, check out Leadership Tip: How to Foster Openness and Transparency.

Keep going, keep growing, keep glowing… thank you for reading,

Elaine Margarita

PS. In case you are wondering, I brought a bag of cherry-flavored Halls cough drops to the book study meeting. It was the perfect backup plan!